Ten Tips for Enhancing Sexual Pleasure (adapted from Joan Price) 1. Slo-o-o-w-w down. Sometimes it takes longer to warm up. If with a partner, encourage each other to enjoy slow foreplay! This warm-up phase of sex play should last for as long as you need...and remember from a previous Newsletter, that the goal of sexual contact does not have to always be sexual intercourse...you can enjoy your own company, or if with a partner, there is much else you can do…enjoy the journey! 2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, tightly and lightly, passionately and hungrily, quickly and sloppily, or slowly and contentedly. Play, have fun, enjoy all kinds of kisses – this will help you bond with and warm up to your partner, while you both enjoy the moment. 3. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your own and if in a relationship, your partner's body. Use your imagination, again…have fun…! Use Jewellery, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight, whatever is safe, looks good, feels good. 4. Do fun & sexy things long before you hit the sheets. Dance, prepare and enjoy a sensuous meal, hold hands while walking if in a relationship, enjoy non-sexual touch and massages. Visit lingerie or adult shops. Allow yourself to have lots of sexy thoughts, and if with a partner, leave sexy notes in each others' pockets, and each other little gifts. Singles can buy themselves a special gift, something that brings you pleasure or enjoyment. 5. Do sexy things to get yourself in the mood. Wear those special clothes that make you feel good! Work out, walk, swim. Dance. Fantasize. Read a sexy story, or maybe write out all the sexy things you want to do together. Think sexy – be sexy! For women…and perhaps men…consider spending some time humming with your vibrator (if you have one) or time for just self-pleasuring. 6. Loving during high energy times. Midnight sex may work for some, while a sex date with yourself or another in the morning or afternoon is a delight for others. (Why do you think they call it "afternoon delight"?). 7. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. For those who wish to experiment, or or perhaps those who need extra help, consider the many different variety of sex toys – they are easy to find, fun to try. 8. Use a silky lubricant if necessary. Sometimes the use of a lubricant is an essential ingredient to sexual play. This is especially so for women who are not so young, and don't have the natural moisture of youth. There are many different lubricants that feel great and bring back the joy of friction. When the partner applies it, it becomes an erotic part of sex play. 9. Enjoy quality 'warm' time. This is a time of enjoying the warmth, contentment and peace. It isn't just for couples, but if you're in a relationship, it can help build closeness, emotional intimacy, and bonding: snuggle before, during, and after your sexual play. Holding each other, feeling the warmth and texture of each others' skin, can be a sweet and sexy part of making love. As a single, just allow yourself to bask in your own warmth and the peace of being. 10. Laugh a lot. Play silly games, invent special words, playfully tease yourself or another intimate partner, and rediscover your ‘inner adult child’. Laughter is relaxing, promotes peace and bonding...it's joyful, ageless - and sexy.
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What a Sexologist does… As you might imagine, when I tell people I’m a Clinical Sexologist, I get so many different responses! Clinical Sexology is a relatively new profession that addresses sexual concerns of individuals and couples. Sexologists are highly skilled and proficient in applying knowledge and practice from a combination of areas such as psychology, counselling, physiology and medicine. Perhaps a primary key to the success of Clinical Sexology is that it allows the Sexologist to provide personal counselling together with the application of practical methods of addressing sexual issues. This is perhaps one of the major differences between a Clinical Sexologist and a Psychologist: While usually highly trained in psychological intervention, most Psychologists are unlikely to have any training in the practical application of various methods of overcoming sexual issues. As a Clinical Sexologist and Counsellor, one of my main objectives is to create a comfortable environment that allows individuals and couples to discuss their sexual wellbeing and to encourage them to talk about any sexual changes they might be experiencing. These changes may be of concern to them as an individual or impacting on their relationship in a negative way. Research suggests that overall quality of life and general well-being are often lower for those who experience sexual difficulties. Clinical Sexologists work with their clients to provide an assessment of their sexual concerns and provide counselling, and practical and informational resources. My aim in doing this is to support those I’m working with to feel empowered by looking at new or different possibilities to enhance their sexual self-esteem, overall self-confidence and intimacy with self, relationship and others. Psychosexual Changes Sexual concerns/changes are very common following certain surgeries, pregnancy and/or certain treatments for medical conditions. Such issues may include physical changes such as, vaginal dryness, painful intercourse for women or erectile difficulties for men, and/or low sexual self-esteem and changes to emotional intimacy. Sexual difficulties such as low libido, difficulty to orgasm are very common, even for men or women who are otherwise healthy. While it is normal within relationships to experience the highs and lows of sexuality and sexual activity related to desire and frequency of sexual activity and intimacy, this can be further affected by illnesses or certain medical treatments. As a Clinical Sexologist I can support you by:
Feel free to email me if you have any questions, or use the contact page to make an appointment. Helena just loves talking about sex! As a Specialist Clinical Sexologist & Counsellor, her expertise is in supporting individuals and couples with intimacy, sexuality and sex. Helena has an established career as a Specialist Cancer and Breast Nurse. She has a special interest supporting women with cancer-related sexuality issues. her experience with women’s sexuality concerns including menopause, pelvic pain, low libido, body image and strengthening sexual self –esteem. Helena's presentations are informative, down-to-earth, open and honest discussions of a topic that for many, is hard to talk about. She makes this process comfortable and easy. Helena's primary goals in this are: 1. To give you permission to discuss your sexual wellbeing. 2. Encourage discussion about sexual changes you may be experiencing and that are of some concern to you, as an individual or in your relationships, 3. Reclaiming your sexuality, create opportunities for intimacy in your life 4. Explore new ways of being comfortable with your sexuality and sexualness and deepen your level of intimacy, even when you are not in a relationship! Here are just some of the many Presentations by Helena - Please use the Contact Form if you would like Helena to present to your organisation - Let's Talk About Sex - Putting the Fun Back into it! With South West Women's Health Centre. A Women’s only event, presented by Clinical Sexologist, Helena Green. A fun evening to explore and enhance your sexuality and sexual self esteem. Includes light supper and mocktail, Great prizes to be won. Let's Talk about Sex flyer Breast Cancer Resource Day: Cancer Council Bunbury Sexuality and Cancer: Presentation to Curtin University Sexology Students Therapeutically Speaking: What has pleasure got to do with it? Presentation to to Western Australian Clinical Oncology Group Gynaecological Cancer: Impact on Sexulaity. The desire to remain connected. Cancer Council of Western Australia: PEPA (Program of Experience in the Palliative Approach) Enhancing Sexual Intimacy: Breast Cancer Care WA Principles of psychosexual care and Assessment: How to talk Sex...conversations to say it's 'ok'... Presentation to staff of King Edward Hospital for Women Sexuality Matters...Conversations: menopause, Sexuality and Life-Giving Relationships. Enhancing Sexual Intimacy. Society of urological Nurses, Western Australia Sex Matters: Enhancing your sexual self-esteem in relationship & Life. The Cancer Council of WA Some comments by participants about Helena's presentation:
In Part One of this Newsletter, I encouraged you to consider your sexual self-esteem and learn to more fully understand and express your sexuality. In Part Two, I speak about how to overcome some barriers that might get in the way of enhancing our sexual self-esteem. Remember that sexuality and sexualness is NOT just about sexual intercourse. So many people seem to hold to the idea that ‘sex’ equals intercourse… But, we know that we express our sexuality throughout our life consciously and unconsciously, in how we move, dress, our body language, communication and the way we interact with others. Whether you are in a relationship or not, when you feel good about yourself sexually you will have increased confidence in many other areas of your life. Think about it in terms of your own ‘self-care’; we all have moments that we feel uncomfortable, and when we feel embarrassed in life. How we manage these situations will depend on our personality, family up-bringing, cultural influences, or perhaps if there is a history of trauma… …it is all of these and more that will influence our ability and willingness to talk about our sexuality and sexual issues. If you are not in an intimate relationship, it is still vital that you have an understanding and acceptance of your sexuality. If you have experienced some form of trauma that impacts on your life and sexuality, I encourage you to seek the support of a Sexologist or one who is professionally qualified and experienced in supporting those with sexual concerns. Care for yourself…Be gentle on yourself. For those in a relationship, remember that it’s normal to experience the ebb and flow of sexuality and sexual activity related to desire and frequency of sexual activity and intimacy. But if there are relationship concerns then counselling support may help you speak openly of the issues, address unresolved conflicts and problems, and work toward problem-resolution. Dr Rosie King (an Australian Sex Therapist) writes about creating a willingness to be open to meeting the sexual and other needs of your partner. This is really important for the relationship to enhance a ‘new intimacy’ between partners. Dr King calls this “goodwill within the relationship”. By supporting your partner in this way, you may find a way to further create emotional intimacy that builds a safe environment to talk about the issues that are concerning each of you. You will find that this will go a long way to improve your sexual self-esteem, your sexual relationship, interest and motivation to seek help with your sexuality. Realistic Hopefullness: Choosing to confront issues with your own ‘sexualness’ can seem like a huge task, especially if you are also experiencing changes to body image, fatigue, financial problems, relationship changes. To support you in this, I encourage what I refer to as ‘realistic hopefulness’: being realistic about the problems you are faced with, but maintaining a sense of hope to create a healthy attitude and a stronger sexual self-esteem. Being Mindful: This is a way of being in the world. Improving Mindfulness will help you to respond with patience, openness, and compassion…not react (or over-react)…to the ever-present flow of events and experiences in your life. It is about consciously bringing awareness to your here-and-now experience, with openness, receptiveness and interest. It’s not expecting anything to happen. Some might describe Mindfulness as a befriending and inhabiting the present moment for its own sake How does Mindfulness help with your sexuality and sexual self-esteem? Most importantly, is that it helps to take the pressure off you, your partner if you are in a relationship, and your sexuality. This is especially so if you are still struggling with other factors that impact on your sexualness. Be Playful: Whether you are, or are not in a relationship, find ways to be more playful with yourself or your partner. Create a more playful way of communicating intimacy with your partner, such as a sensual massage, touch that is non-sexual, reconnecting over a meal, going for walks together or having a date night to share time together. I will write more about Playfulness and Enhancing Sexual Pleasure in a later Newsletter...watch out for it in the near future. Remember that we are all complex individuals and personalities, often with complex personal preferences... Let me know what you think about this issue. Leave a comment or your thoughts and questions Until next time…Take care Helena We all have our own stories of life. One of these is the story of your Sexuality… Sexuality is about having an awareness of your sexual self;
Take a moment to consider the following question: How comfortable are you in talking about your sexuality? If you’re like most people, it’s unlikely that this will be in your comfort zone! Regardless of your sexual orientation, and whether or not you are in a relationship, being curious about your sexuality, the way you think and feel sexually, and the expression of your sexualness, is healthy! Think about all the potential possibilities… The key to your sexuality is recognising that your sexualness does matter, and that you honour your own sexual story and continue your journey of personal sexual growth. In my work with many of my clients, my focus in this regard is to ‘Enhance your Sexual Self-Esteem’ I encourage you to think and talk about what you need to enhance your sexuality and intimacy......and remember to value your unique perceptions, thoughts / memories / feelings / attitudes / values / learning / knowing…Awareness, or lack of awareness of these, will influence how you view sex and sexuality… but also remember that you can change each of these - so be open to new learning and ideas to enhance your sexuality. Sometimes we tend to forget that even as adults…we can still learn! Talking about sex can be difficult, especially if you have never seriously broached the subject… For those un-partnered, it’s still important to talk about sex, in a way that is enlightening, supportive and at times challenging…sometimes our friends, no matter how well meaning. While working with couples, I frequently find that when couples don’t talk about sex, it is misinterpreted as a lack of interest or even rejection! It’s such a common story...and often its months or years before either partner has the courage to start the conversation...BUT it’s never too late!! This is where talking with a Sexologist can help. If you want to enhance your individual sexual self-esteem, or your intimacy in your relationship, it’s vital to enter into a discussion about sexuality. As an individual, or as a couple, consider the following questions to get a better understanding of your sexual story:
See my next Newsletter for the second part of ‘Your Sexual Story’ In the meantime, I welcome your comments and your thought, and you might also like to read our Newsletter 'The Black Ribbon Box'... Bye for now… Helena In Part One of ‘Talking about Sex’, I spoke of sex as the ‘elephant in the room’ that is often never spoken about…
In this newsletter, I want to talk to Health professionals…about Talking about Sex…! If you’re not a Health Professional, no problem – you will learn much about what to look for and ask of your Health Professional concerning sex and sexuality issues. Sex should be a ‘normal’ enjoyable part of the life of most healthy adults, unless they choose otherwise. Talking about sex, really talking about sex, can help produce better outcomes for clients/patients, and yes, sometimes for us as health care professionals in our own lives! Sex is the part of our personal life that most of us may prefer to keep private and not talk about it - yet talking about sexuality with our patients in the right context can be both liberating and therapeutic. So first...Make a Decision As a Health Professional, it's highly likely that you will have some clients/patients who present with sexuality issues – they may not discuss them with you though, depending on their level of dis/comfort, and of course, their perception of your level of comfort with the issue. Remember, much of their dis/comfort will hinge upon your own level of dis/comfort. So, first, make a decision if you will speak to your clients/patients about sex. If you choose not to do this for whatever reason, and you have any reason to think that sexuality issues might be present, refer to a specialist Sexologist. At inSync For Life, we have a highly experienced Clinical Sexologist / Counsellor who speaks easily about all matter of sexual issues and who creates a comfortable and safe environment for clients to do the same. Second...Listen Actively If you decide to discuss sexual and sexuality issues with your clients or patients, it's important to be truly present to hear their concerns about sex. With such a sensitive issue, it is vital that the person 'feels heard'. Too often, Health Professionals fear the proverbial opening of ‘Pandora’s Box’ - if we start talking about sex...where might it lead...I might be in over my head! But try to think of it as you might other presenting problems...ask yourself: Is there something I can do right now? Or do I need to refer on? With many or most sexual issues, it's unlikely that you will be able to address them there and then. Instead, it’s about supporting the individual and acknowledging her or his concerns to let them know that they are being heard. Just being heard and acknowledged, is usually of enormous relief to the person. Third...Refer on and Be Current The next step is to consider what you can do to support the person to address the presenting problems. Remembers, for sexual issues...it's not about being the 'sexpert'. Instead, and depending on the complexity of the issue, it is quite often a multidisciplinary approach to treatment. Issues such as dyspareunia, vaginismus, vulvodynia, and menopausal and peri-menopausal issues are likely to require the input of a medical practitioner, Clinical Sexologist, specialist physiotherapist and others. It almost goes without saying that to provide optimum service, we all need to be current with basic knowledge about sexual health and medicine. Know what recourses and referral networks are available to you and your clients/patients, in both the public and private health systems. Fourth...Be Self-Aware Of much importance though, is to have an awareness of your own sexuality and how you feel about sex. Some questions you might consider asking yourself in the privacy of your own mind:
Some final points to consider:
As a Health Professional, I believe that we all have a duty of care to check with our client/patient to ask how she or he might be feeling about their sexuality or about their sexual intimacy, whether single, in a heterosexual relationship, gay, lesbian or transgender. This will not only help planning for their overall health, but also let the individual know that their sexuality is important and that we, as their Health Professional, value and ‘see’ all of them the Elephant in the Room
Let’s face it, talking about sex, and I mean really, seriously, talking about sex, is difficult! Most people rarely have the benefit of a serious discussion with health professionals about sex or their sexuality and intimacy. If you have a health professional who does this, that’s great – but really talking and communicating in depth, is the exception rather than the rule. There are many reasons why health professionals may not talk about sex with you, or do so quickly and often with a strong medical focus:
At inSync for Life, we provide a confidential, safe and secure environment to support you to discuss openly the subject of sex and issues of sexuality and intimacy in your life. I’ve found that when individuals and couples have this permission and opportunity, they experience a profound sense of relief and finally being able to speak about difficulties they have had for many years. As a Sexologist, I am frequently told this and thanked for validating their concerns and providing a safe non-judgement, confidential environment to talk. Let’s bring the elephant out to play!….Let’s talk about sex! |