 In Part One of this Newsletter, I encouraged you to consider your sexual self-esteem and learn to more fully understand and express your sexuality.
In Part Two, I speak about how to overcome some barriers that might get in the way of enhancing our sexual self-esteem. Remember that sexuality and sexualness is NOT just about sexual intercourse. So many people seem to hold to the idea that ‘sex’ equals intercourse… But, we know that we express our sexuality throughout our life consciously and unconsciously, in how we move, dress, our body language, communication and the way we interact with others. Whether you are in a relationship or not, when you feel good about yourself sexually you will have increased confidence in many other areas of your life. Think about it in terms of your own ‘self-care’; we all have moments that we feel uncomfortable, and when we feel embarrassed in life. How we manage these situations will depend on our personality, family up-bringing, cultural influences, or perhaps if there is a history of trauma… …it is all of these and more that will influence our ability and willingness to talk about our sexuality and sexual issues. If you are not in an intimate relationship, it is still vital that you have an understanding and acceptance of your sexuality. If you have experienced some form of trauma that impacts on your life and sexuality, I encourage you to seek the support of a Sexologist or one who is professionally qualified and experienced in supporting those with sexual concerns. Care for yourself…Be gentle on yourself. For those in a relationship, remember that it’s normal to experience the ebb and flow of sexuality and sexual activity related to desire and frequency of sexual activity and intimacy. But if there are relationship concerns then counselling support may help you speak openly of the issues, address unresolved conflicts and problems, and work toward problem-resolution. Dr Rosie King (an Australian Sex Therapist) writes about creating a willingness to be open to meeting the sexual and other needs of your partner. This is really important for the relationship to enhance a ‘new intimacy’ between partners. Dr King calls this “goodwill within the relationship”. By supporting your partner in this way, you may find a way to further create emotional intimacy that builds a safe environment to talk about the issues that are concerning each of you. You will find that this will go a long way to improve your sexual self-esteem, your sexual relationship, interest and motivation to seek help with your sexuality. Realistic Hopefullness: Choosing to confront issues with your own ‘sexualness’ can seem like a huge task, especially if you are also experiencing changes to body image, fatigue, financial problems, relationship changes. To support you in this, I encourage what I refer to as ‘realistic hopefulness’: being realistic about the problems you are faced with, but maintaining a sense of hope to create a healthy attitude and a stronger sexual self-esteem. Being Mindful: This is a way of being in the world. Improving Mindfulness will help you to respond with patience, openness, and compassion…not react (or over-react)…to the ever-present flow of events and experiences in your life. It is about consciously bringing awareness to your here-and-now experience, with openness, receptiveness and interest. It’s not expecting anything to happen. Some might describe Mindfulness as a befriending and inhabiting the present moment for its own sake How does Mindfulness help with your sexuality and sexual self-esteem? Most importantly, is that it helps to take the pressure off you, your partner if you are in a relationship, and your sexuality. This is especially so if you are still struggling with other factors that impact on your sexualness. Be Playful: Whether you are, or are not in a relationship, find ways to be more playful with yourself or your partner. Create a more playful way of communicating intimacy with your partner, such as a sensual massage, touch that is non-sexual, reconnecting over a meal, going for walks together or having a date night to share time together. I will write more about Playfulness and Enhancing Sexual Pleasure in a later Newsletter...watch out for it in the near future. Remember that we are all complex individuals and personalities, often with complex personal preferences... Let me know what you think about this issue. Leave a comment or your thoughts and questions Until next time…Take care Helena
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