1. Slo-o-o-w-w down.  Sometimes it takes longer to warm up. If with a partner, encourage each other to enjoy slow foreplay! This warm-up phase of sex play should last for as long as you need...and remember from a previous Newsletter, that the goal of sexual contact does not have to always be sexual intercourse...you can enjoy your own company, or if with a partner, there is much else you can do…enjoy the journey!

2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, tightly and lightly, passionately and hungrily, quickly and sloppily, or slowly and contentedly.  Play, have fun, enjoy all kinds of kisses – this will help you bond with and warm up to your partner, while you both enjoy the moment.

3. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your own and if in a relationship, your partner's body. Use your imagination, again…have fun…!  Use Jewellery, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight,  whatever is safe, looks good, feels good.

4. Do fun & sexy things long before you hit the sheets. Dance, prepare and enjoy a sensuous meal,  hold hands while walking if in a relationship, enjoy non-sexual touch and massages. Visit lingerie or adult shops. Allow  yourself to have lots of sexy thoughts, and if with a partner, leave sexy notes in each others' pockets, and each other little gifts. Singles can buy themselves a special gift, something that brings you pleasure or enjoyment.

5. Do sexy things to get yourself in the mood. Wear those special clothes that make you feel good!  Work out, walk, swim. Dance. Fantasize. Read a sexy story, or maybe write out all the sexy things you want to do together. Think sexy – be sexy!  For women…and perhaps men…consider spending some time humming with your vibrator (if you have one) or time for just self-pleasuring.

6. Loving during high energy times. Midnight sex may work for some, while a sex date with yourself or another in the morning or afternoon is a delight for others. (Why do you think they call it "afternoon delight"?).

7. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. For those who wish to experiment, or or perhaps those who need extra help, consider the many different variety of sex toys – they are easy to find, fun to try.

8. Use a silky lubricant if necessary. Sometimes the use of a lubricant is an essential ingredient to sexual play.  This is especially so for women who are not so young, and don't have the natural moisture of youth.  There are many different lubricants that feel great and bring back the joy of friction. When the partner applies it, it becomes an erotic part of sex play.

9. Enjoy quality 'warm' time.  This is a time of enjoying the warmth, contentment and peace.  It isn't just for couples, but if you're in a relationship, it can help build closeness, emotional intimacy, and bonding:  snuggle before,  during, and after your sexual play. Holding each other, feeling the warmth and texture of each others' skin, can be a sweet and sexy part of making love.  As a single, just allow yourself to bask in your own warmth and the peace of being.

10. Laugh a lot. Play silly games, invent special words, playfully tease yourself or another intimate partner, and rediscover your ‘inner adult child’. Laughter is relaxing, promotes peace and bonding...it's joyful, ageless - and sexy.

What a Sexologist does…
 
As you might imagine, when I tell people I’m a Clinical Sexologist, I get so many different responses!
 
Clinical Sexology is a relatively new profession that addresses sexual concerns of individuals and couples.  Sexologists are highly skilled and proficient in applying knowledge and practice from a combination of areas such as psychology, counselling, physiology and medicine.
 
Perhaps a primary key to the success of Clinical Sexology is that it allows the Sexologist to provide personal counselling together with the application of practical methods of addressing sexual issues.  This is perhaps one of the major differences between a Clinical Sexologist and a Psychologist:  While usually highly trained in psychological intervention, most Psychologists are unlikely to have any training in the practical application of various methods of overcoming sexual issues.
 
As a Clinical Sexologist and Counsellor, one of my main objectives is to create a comfortable environment that allows individuals and couples to discuss their sexual wellbeing and to encourage them to talk about any sexual changes they might be experiencing.  These changes may be of concern to them as an individual or impacting on their relationship in a negative way.  
 
Research suggests that overall quality of life and general well-being are often lower for those who experience sexual difficulties.
 
Clinical Sexologists work with their clients to provide an assessment of their sexual concerns and provide counselling, and practical and informational resources.
 
My aim in doing this is to support those I’m working with to feel empowered by looking at new or different possibilities to enhance their sexual self-esteem, overall self-confidence and intimacy with self, relationship and others.
 
Psychosexual Changes
Sexual concerns/changes are very common following certain surgeries, pregnancy and/or certain treatments for medical conditions. Such issues may include physical changes such as, vaginal dryness, painful intercourse for women or erectile difficulties for men, and/or low sexual self-esteem and changes to emotional intimacy.
 
Sexual difficulties such as low libido, difficulty to orgasm are very common, even for men or women who are otherwise healthy.
 
While it is normal within relationships to experience the highs and lows of sexuality and sexual activity related to desire and frequency of sexual activity and intimacy, this can be further affected by illnesses or certain medical treatments.
 
As a Clinical Sexologist I can support you by:

• Listening and acknowledging concerns in a confidential, safe and comfortable environment.
• Addressing sexual difficulties and awkwardness when connecting sexually with another.
  
• Considering ways of enhancing your sexuality and intimacy for you as an individual or for you in your relationship.
  
• Helping you to understand changes to your body image and sexual self-esteem for those who have had a cancer diagnosis, surgical treatments and illness, or post baby/s.
  
• Addressing issues related to healthy sexual functioning and sex life.
  
• Redevelop a healthy sex-life balance.
• Providing a confidential safe space to listen and talk about your sexual well-being.
  

 
Feel free to email me if you have any questions, or use the contact page to make an appointment.