Enhancing Sexual Desire in Women Series

Part 2 - Guidelines for sexual growth

In my last Newsletter, I touched on a number of different issues that women might experience concerning their sexual desire.

This newsletter offers you some more information and first steps to take to help along the path of strengthening your sexual self- esteem, and enhancing your sexuality.

If you want to enhance your intimacy in your relationship and the relationship is fundamentally stable, communicating about sex and strengthening this important and vital aspect
of your relationship is essential.

To create sexual growth within yourself, or within a relationship, it’s important to be
curious, without judgement, about the ways to make this aspect of your life more meaningful.

Balance your Independence with Interdependence…
 
Think broadly and creatively, about how your sexual needs might best be met.
 
And…if you’re in a relationship, how might the sexual needs of your partner best be met: What can you do to ensure that your sexual relationship thrives?
 
Remember that if you’re in an intimate relationship, it is important to maintain a sense of your own identity, your own self, your own independence…creating a ‘gap’ between you and your partner can create an erotic drive.
 
But, also remember that the ‘gap’ you create must be done with a focus of enhancing your relationship…not out of fear or need for control.
 
Develop a realistic, but hopeful attitude
 
I’m not suggesting here, that you are always ‘positive’… being ‘always positive’ doesn’t necessarily work!
Instead, it means that you need to see the situation for the reality it is…BUT…also maintain some hope for your future…!
In their book, Enduring Desire: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy, authors Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy suggest what is referred to as a ‘Good Enough Sex Model’.

This is a common-sense, yet comprehensive approach to a healthy sexual relationship with intimacy as the ultimate focus.
In this way, sex is experienced as pleasure, stress relief, mature playfulness, and perhaps even as a
spiritual union.
 
The authors suggest 8 sexual growth guidelines for singles and couples:

1. Co-operating with your partner as an intimate team to provide a healthy climate for quality sex
2. Optimizing your comfort and confidence with sex
3. Feeling proud of your sexual self and sexual relationship
4. Understand your body’s need for relaxation to enhance pleasure
5. Balancing pleasure with sexual function 
6. Accepting that sexual desire and experiences are variable, flexible
7. Ensuring comfort and confidence by realizing that sex has multiple purposes and arousal styles
8. Affirming that sex can fit into and enhance your life with playfulness and special feelings

 
That’s it for now…join me in the third and final part of this series, when I’ll be talking about Intimacy…what it is, and why it’s important.

Helena Green
Clinical Sexologist / Counsellor 

DOWNLOAD PDF