Contempt is one of the most destructive forces in intimate relationships, often signalling deeper issues that need attention.

Renowned relationship researcher Dr John Gottman identifies contempt as one of the ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ for relationships, alongside Criticism, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.  According to Gottman, contempt is the strongest predictor of relationship breakdowns, making it critical to understand and address

                                                           What Is Contempt?
At its core, contempt involves deep disrespect, disdain, or scorn toward another person. It arises when one partner feels superior to the other, expressing this belief through behaviours or words that devalue and belittle. Contempt can manifest as sarcasm, eye-rolling, sneering, mocking, or openly dismissive remarks. It often stems from unresolved anger, frustration, or resentment and can become a habitual way of interacting, eroding the emotional connection and trust in a relationship.

For example, a partner might say, “You’re so lazy. I don’t even know why I bother trying to help you” or roll their eyes when their partner expresses a concern. These actions convey a message of disdain and disregard, effectively placing one partner ‘above’ the other in the relational dynamic.

Spotting Contempt: Everyday Behaviours That Speak Volumes

Example 1: Ignoring During Conversation
Imagine a situation where one partner is excitedly sharing details about their day or a recent achievement, and the other partner glances up briefly, nods without real engagement, and immediately returns to looking at their phone or reading a magazine. This dismissive behaviour sends a clear message that the other person’s thoughts or experiences are not worth their full attention or interest, subtly conveying superiority and disregard. Over time, this lack of interest and acknowledgment can foster feelings of rejection and inferiority in the partner who is routinely ignored.

Example 2: Rolling Eyes or Walking Away During Conflict
In a disagreement, one partner might sigh loudly, roll their eyes, or even turn and walk away mid-conversation while the other is trying to express their viewpoint. This behaviour signals a refusal to engage with the other’s concerns, implying that their perspective is not worth hearing or addressing. By dismissing their partner’s thoughts by eye rolling, or by walking away, the contemptuous partner effectively conveys that they feel above listening or working through issues collaboratively, which can deeply erode trust and respect.

Example 3: Leaving a situation without Acknowledgement
In this scenario, one partner has taken the time to prepare a meal and set it on the table, expecting to sit together and talk about their day. The other partner enters, picks up their plate without acknowledging the gesture, and says, "I'm going to watch television," before walking off to eat alone. This behaviour is dismissive, and signals disdain and indifference to the effort and intention behind the meal, conveying that sitting together is unimportant. By choosing to separate himself from the shared experience, he dismisses the gesture and his partner, as insignificant, subtly and indirectly implying that his own preferences take priority over the relationship’s connection and intimacy

Join us next time for more about Contempt in relationships.  How to address the contempt if it's you who shows it...how to protect yourself against contempt from a partner, and How to build a healthier relationship together!

Change is a constant in life, touching every aspect from the way we work to how we connect with others.

While it can sometimes feel unsettling, embracing change is crucial for personal growth and development. By welcoming new experiences and ideas, we open ourselves up to opportunities that can enrich our lives in unexpected ways.

So, the next time you encounter change, try to see it as a positive force - a rhythm that keeps life moving forward.

Embracing change isn't always easy, but it's a vital part of the journey towards progress.

After all, every step into the unknown is a chance to grow, learn, and become a better version of ourselves.

Sometimes life just seems chaotic!
We often find ourselves confronted by our own challenges as well as the struggles of life and of those around us -friends, family members, and colleagues - and it’s natural to feel the urge to somehow…escape!

But at some point, we may realise we can’t avoid the problems of life and we can’t take on everything for everyone.

This can leave us feeling frustrated, powerless, and even guilty. It’s a common experience in today’s demanding world, where we’re constantly balancing responsibilities, expectations, and the pressures to be everything for everyone.

Resilience is often described as the ability to adapt in the face of hardship, but it’s more than simply “bouncing back.” Resilience is the quiet strength within us – a silent song of the soul that weathers life’s storms, gently leading us forward even when skies seem dark.

Much like a dancer moving through rain, resilience allows us to find beauty and grace amid life’s challenges, inspiring a sense of hope and possibility.

When we think of resilience, we imagine not just endurance but the courage to face difficulties with an open heart. Resilient people acknowledge pain, sadness, and disappointment; they don’t deny it.

However, they also recognise that, much like a passing storm, emotions ebb and flow, and resilience is what helps us stay grounded during these times, even if we feel momentarily shaken. It’s the steadfast belief that, no matter how heavy the rain, we have the inner resources to keep moving forward.

In many ways, resilience is both personal and universal.

While each individual may face their own unique struggles, the essence of resilience connects us all. It reminds us that growth often happens during life’s hardest moments and that, with time, we can learn to not only survive but to thrive – dancing through the rain with the silent strength that comes from truly knowing ourselves.

ADHD in adulthood often includes challenges with impulsivity and emotional regulation, leading to sudden mood swings, frustration, or impulsive decisions.

Managing these symptoms involves practicing emotional awareness, taking pauses before reacting, and employing grounding techniques during intense emotions.

Couples can benefit from clear communication, setting agreed-upon boundaries, and developing calming routines to de-escalate situations. Mindfulness exercises and regular check-ins can also support emotional stability, helping both partners manage impulsivity and maintain a more balanced relationship dynamic

Let’s explore a few common patterns that pop up in ADHD-powered relationships and how you can navigate them with grace and humour.

Today, 4 September, is World Sexual Health Day, a day dedicated to raising awareness about the importance of sexual health and promoting healthy, respectful relationships. This year’s theme, Positive Relationships, highlights how open communication, mutual respect, and emotional well-being contribute to a thriving partnership.

Here are some pointers to help you celebrate World Sexual Health Day, and strengthen your Positive Relationships!

Effective communication is essential in building and maintaining a strong relationship. When partners feel safe to express their thoughts, feelings, and desires openly, it creates a foundation of trust. This trust allows for deeper connection, as those involved feel heard and understood. Whether you're discussing your boundaries, sharing personal goals, or addressing concerns, it's important to approach these conversations with empathy and patience. Active listening—paying attention without interrupting—can make a world of difference. It shows that you value your partner's perspective and are invested in their emotional well-being.
 
Regular check-ins are another great way to ensure open communication. Life can get busy, and it’s easy for misunderstandings or unmet needs to build up over time. Setting aside time to discuss how you’re both feeling and what you might need from each other helps to prevent issues from escalating. These conversations don't have to be formal; even casual chats over dinner can be a great opportunity to reconnect and make sure you're both on the same page. Open dialogue not only strengthens emotional intimacy but also allows your relationship to grow in a healthy and balanced way.

Introduction
Anxiety is a common condition that can affect people of all ages, from their 20s to older age. It manifests as persistent worry, fear, or nervousness, which can impact daily life and overall well-being.
 
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a natural response to stress and can be beneficial in some situations. Good stress is called ‘Eustress’.  However, when anxiety becomes excessive and uncontrollable, it can interfere with daily activities and reduce the quality of life. This is called Distress.  Common symptoms of unhealthy anxiety include constant worrying, feeling restless or on edge, difficulty concentrating, and physical symptoms such as increased heart rate or muscle tension.  You are likely to find yourself worrying about 'what if?'.
 
Understanding Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is characterised by excessive, uncontrollable worry about various aspects of life. People with GAD often anticipate disaster and may be overly concerned about health, money, family, work, or other issues. This condition can be debilitating but is treatable with the right approach.
 
Building Rapport and Assessment
The first step to address anxiety, is to establish a therapeutic alliance, or rapport with our clients, by creating a safe and non-judgmental environment. During the initial sessions, we conduct a thorough assessment to gather information about your history, symptoms, triggers, and the impact of anxiety on their daily life. Discussing confidentiality and setting clear boundaries are crucial to building trust.
 
Psychoeducation
Providing psychoeducation about anxiety is a fundamental part of our approach. We explain the symptoms, causes, and common triggers of anxiety, helping clients understand the physiological and psychological aspects of their condition. This knowledge empowers clients and reduces the stigma associated with anxiety.

Understanding Grief
 
Grief is a natural response to loss, encompassing a range of emotions from sadness and anger to confusion and numbness. It's important to remember that there is no 'right' way to grieve; everyone experiences and processes it differently. The grieving process can be non-linear, with good days and bad days, and it often takes longer than people expect.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel: Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that come with grief. It's okay to cry, be angry, or feel lost. Suppressing these emotions can lead to further emotional distress down the line.

6. Be Patient with Yourself: Healing from loss takes time, and it's important to be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't rush the grieving process or set unrealistic expectations for your recovery.

When someone you care about is grieving, it can be hard to know how to help. Here are some tips on offering meaningful support:

1. Be Present: Sometimes, just being there for someone is enough. Offer a listening ear without trying to fix their pain or offer unsolicited advice. Your presence alone can be incredibly comforting.

4. Check-In Regularly: Grief doesn't disappear after the funeral or memorial service. Continue to check in with your loved one in the weeks and months following their loss to show your ongoing support.

5. Respect Their Grieving Process: Everyone grieves differently. Respect their way of processing their loss and be patient with them. Avoid pushing them to move on or suggesting they should be over it by now.

Conclusion
 
Grief and loss are difficult, but with the right coping mechanisms and support, individuals can find a way through their pain. Remember to be kind to yourself and others during these times, recognising that healing is a journey. By fostering a supportive environment and understanding the complexities of grief, we can help each other move forward with resilience and compassion.

Experts have cautioned that relying on digital devices to pacify children prevents them from learning to regulate their emotions effectively.
A University revealed that children whose parents frequently used digital devices to calm them exhibited poorer anger and frustration management skills over time. The study involved parents of 3½-year-old children, with follow-up questionnaires completed a year later, highlighting the long-term negative impact of this practice.

Create shared meaning means developing a common understanding and alignment of beliefs, values, and goals within a relationship.  

The phrase originated from Dr John Gottman.  He introduced this concept as part of his research on relationships and marital stability, emphasizing its importance in building a strong and lasting connection between partners